August 3, 2020
By Jillian Kamel
This blog was written some time ago, but I thought I would share with you what it felt like to be in that moment.
Jesus left there and went to his hometown, accompanied by his disciples. When the Sabbath came, he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed. (Mark 6:1-2 NIV)
I am going to generalize here, but it is easy for me assume that at some point in our lives we all struggle with seasons of unbelief. Seasons of questioning, wanting answers, wanting the Father, but feeling a little lost in it all. As a believer, I am admittedly in that season now. My belief isn’t gone. I know what truth is because I have lived it, experienced it; experienced Him. Yet lately, I can’t seem to connect the head and the heart at the same time. I need His help. I need Him to speak to me as He has in the past. I read the scriptures and I think to myself “if only I had been there.” If I had been there and heard it for myself, I could have asked the hard questions, face to face with Jesus in the flesh. Then I would most certainly “get it.” And I would never fall into another funk again. Maybe then, I wouldn’t even have questions to ask. I would just know. I would fall on my face before Him amazed and bewildered by His majesty, and that would be it—easy. There would be nothing in between us to keep His words from getting lost in translation to me.
“And many who heard him were amazed.”
Story after story in scripture, we read of people being healed. People crawling in the streets to touch his garment, being desperately lowered through roofs in efforts to get close and brought to Him from all over. How could you be a witness to these things and have any ounce of unbelief remain in you? “And many who heard him were amazed.” I read this simple line and found myself astonished that not all who heard were amazed by Jesus. I mean, He was fully man and fully God, teaching in the flesh before them! I quickly became confident again thinking “Oh Jesus, if I had been there, I would have been amazed. Surely I would have!”
And then I heard Him speak, with humble and gentle words just as I have been begging Him to do: Friend, how often do I speak to you even closer than to them, and you miss it. How often am I at work around you and in you, and your eyes are closed to me. How often, even when you do see, are you less than amused. You’re crying out to me and I hear you because I am with you. You shout like I’m far in the distance, but just open your eyes sweet one and you will see just how close I am. Only a breath away, I am.
Jesus, open my eyes to your wonders! Open my ears to you, God. Jesus do not let me fall from you. Do not stop speaking to me, even when I am not hearing You. Let me weep no more, as you have promised to be gracious to me when I cry for help. As soon as you hear, Jesus, you will come. (Isaiah 30:19) Jesus, you alone will cause us to see Your majesty! Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find. (Matt. 7:7) I am asking you God—Let me never be found on the other side of “many.”